This one is a keeper

Image by Camdiluv on Flickr

I’m not denying that I inherited most of my values and belief systems as a child, from my parents.  And as I entered into adolescence I discarded many of these in a defiant act of independence.  Some are gone for good and others, after a while, I’ve picked up, dusted off, smoothed out and re-pocketed – slightly altered but perhaps a better fit.  And then there are those I’ve clung too (albeit subconsciously) mostly undetected – that perhaps no longer serve me but until I consciously scrutinise them, they are lodged deep within.

I recently had the opportunity to discover another kind – one that I have held onto – not too tightly – but firmly enough to offer me reassurance – a type of life line – one that has served me very well.

Love is a decision

As I sat at the celebration of my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary listening to their speeches – stories of trying times, happy times and even some distressing times,  I could see that they were living proof of their own advice to me as a teenager.

Love is a decision

Dealing with the overwhelm of new emotions, new hormones and new concepts when dealing with members of the opposite sex, I found the battlefield of boyfriends a tricky world to manoeuvre through as a teenager.  And then when I moved into the realm of a “serious” relationship (or potential lifetime partner) one guiding phrase kept coming through…

Love is a decision

Image by Lindsay on Flickr

Something that my parents were always talking about – “you have choice – Love is a decision.” I had been exposed to the belief that love doesn’t magically appear one day and then disappear the next.  Once you move past the initial “fall” and romance of new love, a committed relationship requires a decision by each person to love the other through adversity and joy, through monotony and high frequency living.  A decision that may need to be made minute by minute when things are tough and then feel more like “a given” when things are rosy.

Now I am not claiming to be a shining example of wedded bliss by any means.  Having been married for 14 years and together for almost 10 years before that, my relationship has seen its own share of adversity, joy, monotony and high frequency living.  And for all of those big curve balls, I can clearly see where I have made that decision to love (as tough as it may have felt) and then re-made it in the next moment, and the next.  Now I can’t speak for my husband – but from my viewpoint, I can clearly see where he has been the one to make the decision to love (as tough as it may have felt).

Image by Marlon Cureg on Flickr

So I am eternally grateful for this nugget of wisdom passed on from my parents – this one’s a keeper – I’ve set it as my intention for my marriage – the intention to decide to love moment by moment.  And universe willing, I’ll be making that decision all the way to my own 50th wedding anniversary celebrations and beyond. And maybe my boys will take it with them into their own committed relationships too.